Day 5 - Adventure Day

Spiritual
I have read other master cleanse diaries and they talk about realistic and vivid dreams. Well I had a deep and troubling dream last night. It involved in typical American style a shoot out. I was walking through this arcade and there were multiple people, almost like gangs, shooting at each other. I was inside the building and my sister was on the street. I crawled away from the scene with my sister in sight encouraging her to get out of the cross fire. By the time I got away from the building and to an open park, I noticed a young skinny teenager covered in blood with a huge machine gun firing all over the building where I once stood. I kept on trying to text my sister through all of this to make sure she was OK. And my fingers kept messing up the message because the keys were too small. Frustrated and distraught I awoke.

I texted her immediately and all she said in her sleepy text was pray for us (her and her fiance are living in Tanzania). I then saw on my phone that I had a new email message. The note was from my friend Grace*, she was informing a group of her friends that she was ok despite the recent death of her sister. Her words with eloquent and most touching, she has been through a lot. She quoted an excerpt from her sister an interesting prose on gangster rap. I was able to see a glimpse into what made her so special. I wish I could have known her.

Death is a tragic event but unfortunately inevitable. It is at these times we pause not only to think of life but also of eternity.


Mental
Today was an adventure. My sleep was so deep this morning that I didn't even remember turning off both of my alarms. The only reason I woke up was from the dream. Unfortunately, the subsequent events of the day stem from one tiny detail. I forgot to drink my Smooth Mooves herbal laxative tea last night. So this morning, I skipped the salt wash and drank the tea instead. Driving to work, I thought "If I just took the tea, it should take effect 6-8 hours later. Will I make it out of work in time?".

At 3:35pm at work, suddenly my computer turned off. It appears me and the women next to me blew the fuse from all the appliances we had plugged in. So with nothing to do, I was able to get out of the office by 4pm, perfectly timed to go to my friend Vera's* Sri Lankan themed party.

Well that's when I had my "master cleanse" moment. This moment consisted of my skipping the party, rushing home and now sitting wrapped in warm blankets on the couch. The moment didn't last that long, don't get worried - but it got me in the house not ready to go anywhere.

I am thinking more of food much more than I did yesterday. I found myself staring at a sandwich on a co-workers desk - as if I had never seen a sandwich before.

Physical
All in all my day was normal. Yesterday was fantastic today was normal - normal in a good way. That is until 4pm as mentioned before. If I were to analyze the situation I would say this - I did not use the bathroom for 2 days and the toxins must have been stored up or another analysis could be - I am going into my 6th day tomorrow. And we have all heard about dreaded 6th day.

Talking about 6th day, the guy who checked me out at the bookstore when I bought the book said, "Yeah, I did the cleanse but only lasted till the 6th day, that was the day I went crazy". "Would you recommend the cleanse", I said. "Most definitely! I felt so clean instead", he said. "I hope to do it again one day".

Maybe that is what I will say. Let's see how the 6th Day goes for me. As an incentive to keep you checking in, I promise to do a dance at the end of the cleanse for all of you to see.

Day 4 - I am Alive

Spiritual

If the picture on the left could speak words than it would describe how I felt today. My reading this morning was from a book that I have been reading, putting down, pick up, putting down and really need to finish because it is so good. Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.

Today I was reading about how marriage exposes our sin. I must say that I agree. My husband is not in town right now, so it is easier to read , stomach, and reflect on these things. If you know what I mean. I really enjoyed a quote that he gave, "One of the best wedding gifts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse. Had there been a card attached, it would have said, "Here's to helping you discover what you're really like!"

He went on to explain that sometimes you feel that you are certain way (humble, loving, forgiving) because you have not really gotten close to anyone. Marriage can be a tool of change.

I have already committed myself to being a better person not only to the people around who are easy to love but to myself as I realize how unloving I can be to the ones I really care about.

Mental

This morning I woke up clear-headed as if I had woken up from a deep sleep. My eyes told me it was a new day and boy was it. I felt great today. Absolutely fantastic. I thought that I felt fine yesterday until I woke up today and realized what more than fine was. What more can I say? Mentally I was put together. I had very little cravings for food and found it easy to go into the break room while people were eating during lunch. I purposely averted my eyes from the food to ensure that I would not be tempted. But all in all I don't think it was actually necessary.

One other interesting thing I've noticed is that I am never tired during the day. You know that noon slump or the 3'clock yawn. Well its not happening. I was constantly awake and alert even though I slept only 7 hours and 30 minutes. Normally I am one of those people who needs 9 hours to even begin to feel rested.

Physical

This morning was a little strange when it came to the salt water flush experience. That's my new term for it. I drank my drink (I had forgotten to mention that I am only drinking 2 cups of salt water instead of the 4, because that is way too much for me right now). Back to the drink. So I drank the drink and nothing happened. No use of the lavatory, no rumble in the stomach. Nothing. I thought that this would have repercussions for me later in the day. But nada. Hmm..

I also noticed my face was extra smooth today. The skin felt as if it was a baby's, rich in moisture when otherwise dry and scratchy or oily on top of dry. I think that was one of the most amazing realizations I had. I remember looking at some one's video diary on utube talking about the master cleanse and I thought her face looked brighter as the days progressed. That is how I am feeling about my face today. For the sake of not looking like a weirdo I will hold off on thigh measurements till later in the game.

Right now I am off to a sauna, a real traditional Finish sauna. All very exciting. I told my mom about it and she didn't seem that thrilled. You see my grandfather is Finish and he used to take my mom when she was a kid - they actually went to the Turkish baths because there weren't any Finish sauna's in Cleveland in those days. So she sees it as childhood torture instead of luxurious therapy, like I do. I guess its solo for me.

Day 3 - Ask and Recieve

Spiritual
I learned the most interesting thing today in my morning reading. I have read this story over and over again in Mark 1. The story about Jesus being baptized and the Holy Spirit descending on him like a dove. What I realized suddenly was that this was Jesus's conversion experience. Well not that he needed to get converted to himself but this was the time the Holy Spirit came into his life to be his helper.

This is very similar to when we become Christians, or Christ follower or believers, whatever term floats your boat. In essence Jesus has gone through what we have. Not only has he been tempted, but he also has the Holy Spirit to help him through these temptations. Who knew? He can really empathize. Talking about empathizing. I remember praying last night that God would make this day easy for me and voila! He did. Ask and you shall receive. Note to self.


Mental
I find it strange that Day 3 is supposed to be one of the hardest. Today wasn't hard at all. I had the same feel of being deprived but less so. If I had to categorize the feeling it would be more of a bored and a little foggy around 3pm.

I made sure not to steal glances at the fruit on the lunch room table or read the three emails that were sent at work about the free food in the break room. I felt that they were doing it to tease me, but in fact no one - I take that back - my boss actually offered me some peanut brittle. But besides that no one has offered me food or even noticed that I haven't eaten. I guess that is how some people slip into anorexia - no one really pays attention to these things. They just go on happily eating themselves.

Somehow we become very unaware of our surroundings while eating. I think that is the phenomena of people gathering around the table of food at a party just so they don't have to really interact with the people. When you are around food it is comfortable and safe. You can talk about the food, commenting how great it is or talk about how you can make it at home. All of this - instead of dealing with the hard questions like "Who is this I am talking to?" and "Now I have to think of something clever to say" or "How do I get out of this conversation". At the end of it all you can say is, "It was nice talking to you, I'm going to go over and get a drink". But what if you don't eat and drink. Then What.?


Physical
I realized today that I had forgotten one of the most important goals I had when going on this fast. That was to rid my face and body of allergies and acne. I had heard from web sources that this could be an effective way of purging the body of allergies - which are thought to be sensitive to toxins. This would make sense in my case since I am allergic to household products such as bleach, window sprays etc. I have actually changed to all natural cleaning products for the past 3 years or so and cleaning has become an aromatherapy experience - almost like a day at a the spa. Ok, not quite so but you get the point. So today I looked at my face and notice that it was much brighter and cleaner. Maybe its my imagination or maybe the lack of food. Maybe its really your perception changes and not your skin. That would be funny. I mean no it won't.

So my sister read the blog yesterday and said I was, what is the word, a weirdo, for writing my thigh measurements. I never thought of it that way. I just wanted some type of physical measurement besides weight. After all, weight is just a number! Ah but I guess thigh measurements are too. My excuse -it has been at least a year since I have been able to fit into half of pants which makes both dressing and shopping not very pleasant experiences. Come to think of it - not that they were pleasant before. Well I hope someone enjoys my measurements. Any statistics nerds?

Thigh R - 24
Thigh L - 23.5
Hip - 38

Day 2 - Feeling Deprived

Spiritual
Today was a nice day. I woke up at 5am for no reason, slept till 6am and woke up specifically to drink my salt water flush. I had read warnings about this process but didn't think it would be that hard. I grew up in Florida and went to the ocean everyday during the summer. I must have swallowed gallons of salt water. How hard could it be? Two cups into the flush I realized that I didn't like this much. Five minutes later as the water went coursing through my stomach, large and small intestines I realized what the word "flush" meant. Fifteen minutes later I felt just fine and ready to start my day.

What waking up at 6am allowed me to have is 1 hour of time for reading my bible. This time flew quickly as I got consumed by the passage. This morning one of the items I covered was Matthew 4: 1-11, which dealt with the tempting of Jesus in the dessert. Great passage, especially considering they talked about it two Sundays ago at church.

The context of that talk was about how we should worship God and not idols. Casting Down Idols such as the idols of Comfort, Power, Control, and Approval. Jesus was tempted by all of these idols as he suffered in the desert. His most powerful words, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God". Words to think about and motivation for the days to come.

Mental
This was a very strange day for me. I used the word feeling deprived not in the literal sense of feeling deprived from food but rather feeling deprived - as if someone was taking something away from me that belonged to me. It is strange that we see food this way. As people in my office were happily munching on their lunch I felt as if they were loarding it over me. As if they knew (which they don't) that I couldn't eat and so they were using their happy faces to deprive me of my joy.

This is the most ridiculous concept ever but this is how I felt. It remind me of when we were kids my mom would buy a box of Popsicles and as soon as they hit the freezer we would grap for the first one and try to eat as many as we could. We did this so that they other siblings wouldn't get anymore - because if they did we would feel as if we were being deprived. It was really just greed and competition. Manly greed. Oh! I have a better word covetness. Why do I covet my brother's food?

As a result of this and other events I decided to start this blog to share my feelings. There is actually a lot of extra time randomly, especially with no TV, so I have set in mind to write a little each day and share with whoever might be reading.

http://www.imagodeicommunity.com/series/casting-down-idols

Physical
I am not actually "hungry" in the proper sense of the word. Anytime I have had a little stomach rumble I take a quick sip of lemonade drink and my hunger goes away immediately. This is actually amazing and quite accurate compared to what people have been saying on blogs and websites. Today is Day 2 which is supposed to be on the hardest days (Day 2, 3 & 7). So far not too bad. My main complaints are feelings of social isolation which I address in the Mental section as feeling deprived. Physical there isn't much wanting. I do feel a bit "empty" inside - in the literal sense of having nothing in my stomach. Energy is fine although I did have a half an hour around 3pm in which I felt really foggy - as if the mist was rolling in. This passed and didn't come back.

Thigh R - 24
Thigh L - 23.5
Hips - 38

Day 1 - Goal Setting

Master Cleanse Personal Goals
1. Find Spiritual Guidance for Future Plans
2. Reduce Negative Self-Talk
3. Slim Thighs
4. Learn to More Drink Water
5. Eat More Raw Food Post Fast
6. Rid body of Allergies & Acne
7. Detox, detox, & detox

Spiritual
I haven't really made up my mind what I would do for the spiritual realm. I am considering reading a book, praying, reading specific passages in my Bible. Mainly I am expecting for something to happen on the 8th Day of the Fast. A spiritual breakthrough as it is called by some. With clarity of thought and purpose. This is really my goal in this arena. But through the process I need to dedicate myself to spiritual disciplines that will lead my heart to this course and open my mind to hear more from God. I have decided that TV during the fast will not be permitted. This was especially hard today because my guilty indulgences of Reality TV shows - ala VHI and MTV Style are on tonight. I made the idea of no TV after I watched them.

Mental
I haven't thought much today about the fact that I didn't have any food to eat. The day passed by seamless and effortlessly.

Physical
Physical I feel just find, I have had no urge to eat and am getting used to the process of making the drinks quickly.

Thigh R - 24.5
Thigh L - 24
Hips - 39

Day 0 - Why Me? Why Now?

You may be wondering why someone like me would want to start the master cleanse program. For those of you who don't know the master cleanse was a program development by Stanley Burroughs in the 1950s and is seen by Wikipedia as perhaps having somewhat of a cult following. Despite his following and/or the controversy behind his practices, I am embarking on the master cleanse journey to see what 10 days of abstinence from solid food will do.

This all started when I ran into my friend Joshua* with his wife Teresa* at a salsa club a couple of months ago and thought I had seen a ghost. It was as though I saw a person from my past, someone I knew really well but had forgotten - pop back into my life. I have known Joshua for the past 7 years and during that time he had put on a little weight (as had I). This time was different, he looked like his former self by not only turning back the clock 7 years but his face glowed with radiance, his step was quick, and his energy high. "What have you done?", I exclaimed with surprise. "Master Cleanse", he said. At that was it, I knew I would be committed to this plan whatever it was.

Now let's go into my past a little bit so you can understand who I am. I am a person who is deeply interested in health and diet issues. This comes little out of an obsession to lose weight and more out of an interest in health, science, and how the body works - must be in my blood. My grandmother in her late 60's fasted for 20 days with only water in order to rid her body of disease as she called it. This came much to the dismay of my mother and her sister who constantly urged her to stop before she, dare I say "died".

Well my grandmother is in her late 80's and is still the single most vibrant women I know of that age group. Not to mention she drives laps around my husband and I pushing us to pure exhaustion. Now my mother. Well lets say I grew up in a household where sugar was not allowed and where one of my first positive food memories was "Tiger's Milk" which is now lovingly referred to as the "1st energy bar". Health food stores, and whole wheat breads slowly turned into sugar covered frost o's as my younger sister and brother were growing up. I guess she is a health nut that got lost.

Now to me again, I apologize for digressing. I don't like to read a lot but I do like to read health books, to name a few - The Maker's Diet, Suzanne Somers Eat Cheat and Melt Away the Fat, The Atkins Diet, and You are What you Eat. Each of these books has taught me valuable lessons and has helped me build a repertoire of new/good eating habits. So naturally, when given the chance to research something new I took it upon myself to read Lose Weight Have More Energy and Be Happier in 10 Days by Peter Glickman.

I was most intrigued by the concept of fasting since Jesus, the source of life and living water, fasted for 40 days. For spiritual reasons I had fasted in high school for 3 days and almost collapsed from exhaustion - or so I liked to tell myself in the proceeding years with hopes that it was impossible for me to do again.

Well fast forward to me in my 30's and things have changed. Within in the course of year, I went from a non-runner to running one 10k, 2 half-marathons and 1 marathon - all with the power of Christ and the ability to dedicate myself both mind, body and soul to a grueling sport. But with this physical strength I had allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted using sweets as treats for good behavior. I've read it is never good to treat yourself with food, because then you will start to find comfort and worth in the items that were intended to sustain you." You can only seperate, differientiate between what it is you want and what it is you need," quoting from Issac Blackman the illustrious Trinidadian singer.

So now maybe you have a little understanding why I have taken on this task. Women have three parts - mind, body, and spirit. My goals, failures, and accomplishments will span these areas. Listen loud. This is my testimonial.

*Names have been changed to shield the unsuspecting.