Day 10 + 3 - My Husband Doesn't Know

Today was a beautiful day in Portland. Crisp winter sky with a full bright and round sun. The wind was super cold. I might guess 35-40 degrees.

My husband and I went on a bike ride around our extended neighborhood first to visit a friend and secondly to find a place that served soup for me. We ended up settling at a warm diner called Old Wives Tales. I order a broth based chicken soup with fresh spinach.

The chicken is still too much to eat but I ate the broth and spinach happily. Not much for a meal in the grand scheme of things but satisfying for me.

I am currently in the process of preparing a great big pot of Harvest Vegetable Moon Soup, filled with rice, pasta, peas, carrots, onions, and chicken. I also am broiling Chinese broccoli, yellow peppers and portabello mushrooms in the oven. You might laugh if you know me - for writing all that. I hate to cook. I mean I really hate it. It makes me super stressed and I find the whole process pointless when you can go down the street and buy a much tastier already prepared meal.

I am trying to be better, get better, be calmer. And today wasn't so bad. I was so excited about all the fresh vegetables and my creations that I had little time to get stressed. Going to eat (probably a tiny bowl) of soup in a few. Can't wait.

Frankly its a little hard to watch what my husband eats now that he is back. Normal, healthy things - but in a typical day both him and I could have eaten a couple of deserts. I am not tempted by what he eats, more like disappointed. He eat a lemon square from New Season's Market and then when we got home right after he said "I'm so hungry" and went to the freezer to eat some ice cream. I said "You aren't hungry and if you are eat an apple". We laughed and he said "Is that how it's going to be from now on". I told him, "Now I know the difference between hungry and cravings".

So what doesn't my husband know? I plan to do the master cleanse again next year - this time roping him into it. Ha Ha.

Day 10 + 2 - No Big Deal

This morning, I had a tall glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and a small cup of mixed berries. I have found, from my small time eating, that berries are easier on the stomach then melons or bananas - so I am sticking to that. They also have a lot more antioxidants and nutrients, we know this partly from their dark color.

For lunch, I was in the airport and didn't have many choices. I ended up buying a fruit cup and a cup of tortilla soup from Wolfgang Puck. I eat the soup very slowly completely avoiding the goat cheese and tortilla flakes. I only ended up eating 3/4 of a cup of soup and that took a lot of energy to do. As a chewed each spoonful multiple times until it was liquid, I realized - this is how you are supposed to chew your food. Not my standard gulping and swallowing with my teeth missing their mark. I will have to take this realization back into my regular life. With so little to eat, you need to savor, if you know what I mean.

I tried to eat the fruit cup in the plane but only ended up picking out the grapes and the watermelon - leaving the melon and the cantaloupe to the flight attendants. I remembered reading somewhere that you should only eat melon alone. I think I know why now. It doesn't work in your stomach with other fruit. Now I know.

The banquet was magnificent. The meal consisted of heaping plates of fish and chicken. Fish AND Chicken. Usually there is only one. Considering it was hosted by the governor of Oregon - I guess more meat was in order. I got the vegetarian dish which ended up being a pot pie filled with garbanzo beans, rice, strips of carrots, and tomatoes. Of course I couldn't eat that.

I had imagined a plate full of delicious vegetables - only to find 3 sprigs of asparagus. Man! I rushed my fast for 3 sprigs of asparagus. No one at the table really paid attention to me, too much going on including a large table center piece blocking my plate from my colleagues. My friend to the right knows me well and knew I couldn't really eat. And to the other side was my husband gleefully picked at my cheesecake - when I could only have the lone raspberry on top.

I would have gone till Sunday on my fast if I could have foreseen this. But all in all am glad for what I have done. I wonder when I can eat "regular" again. Sushi is on my brain.

Meanwhile I am definately a skinny version of myself and can successfully fit my whole waredrobe. I wonder how much of this will come back immediately. I plan to eat healthy, chew my food, and drink lots of water. I will see. You will see too.

Day 10 +1 - Navigating Food

I decided to keep on writing because getting off the fast is very important. I had read that and now I believe it.

This morning I had a great big glass of fresh squeezed orange juice (you can get that in California). I also had room service bring me a banana. Well let's just say that I opened the banana and broke off an inch of the banana and put it in my mouth. After eating that I put down the banana and that was that.

You see, I am really pushing it with eating period. You are supposed to do 2 full days of orange juice before getting into broth and then food. I am trying to push it slowly so that I can eat something at the banquet tomorrow. A banana bite was about all my stomach could take this morning.

Fast forward to the afternoon. I have a business lunch and everyone is ordering hamburgers with plates of fries and ketchup. There I sit was a small bowl of fruit. Staring at the bowl, I know full well I will not be able to eat much of it. I see judging eyes as they think "she is anorexic". Probably picking up on the fact that I am poking my food and shifting it to seem as though I ate more than I did.

I only ate 5 pieces of fruit and I felt as if I would regret it shortly. I felt the food go down my throat. I felt the thud as it hit my stomach and some time later felt it move into my intestines. I have never been so aware of the process. I survived. But realized why they ask you to wait.

I can't even imagine if someone put a bite of a sandwich in their mouth. Ring the alarm, call the ambulance.

For dinner I had a miso soup. I love miso soup, but all it really tasted like to me was salt water. Talk about salt - how much do they put in there? I drank 16 oz of water with my tiny cup of miso soup. My body didn't like the salt. I thought I might suffer from swallowing the crumbs of tofu.

Later in the night I drank a glass of orange juice which made me happy and then attempted to have a mushroom broth soup. Too salty again. I just finished picking out the mushrooms to eat them - no broth for me.

This is taking slower than I thought. Tomorrow will probably be similar. I can't imagine "eating" eating until Monday?

I'll continue to write in. Also I have decided to make this blog into a health and wellness resource while I am not doing the cleanse. I will probably write in once a week and give updates on my progress/see if I find anything new.

I promised to dance, well here I go:
Josephine Baker dances to Juana la Cubana

Day 10 - More Than Made It

Sorry for being so late in my blog writing. I have been in Los Angeles on a business trip and have not had the opportunity to write in my blog much less breath. I am sure you are wondering how my last day went. I want to use this last day to go over some of my conclusions.

Spiritual
God is our provider. That is the most powerful lesson I could learn from all of this. Not only does he provide our jobs, food, clothes, and shelter but also our personal strength and the ability to overcome obstacles and achieve goals.

I pray I will take that into my work, my relationships and the rest of my life and love like God loves me.

Mental
I have learned a lot on this cleanse about my relationship to food. I think many times I eat all that is on my plate or gorge on food - not because i am hungry - but because I feel that if I don't eat it somehow it is being taken away from me. And because of this, I need to hoard it, or a.k.a eat it all. I am hoping that in the future my view on this will change and that I can realize that I can eat 1/2 of the food and feel fine with that.

I also realize that the body is very resilient. Look at me! Surviving and thriving on lemonade drink for 10 days. Why have any fear? Forget the negative self-talk.

Physical
I made it past security in the airport and was able to make my pre-mixed drinks to last me until lunchtime. I had a very nice lunch date with an good friend of mine who lives in LA and I choose this moment 2pm to break my fast with a tall glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. I was sipping along the juice from the straw and didn't even realize that I was drinking something different. I guess that's because it is very similar in a way to lemonade and I have gotten very used to drinking. Drinking period. Which was one of my goals to help me start drinking water - since I am so adverse to the intake of liquids. Who knows why. But it usually takes a good headache before I pick up a glass.

I haven't talked about my tongue this whole time. Yes it was coated at the beginning and progressively got worse. I wondered if it would ever be "pink with a thin white film". Well today I looked at my tongue and it was. I had this vision of a bright pink tongue - which it wasn't. But was so satisfied with the difference that I realized I have reached the end of the cleansing process.

My skin is soft and much better and I haven't had any sniffles or any other allergy symptoms since I started the cleanse (except for one day). I don't have my thigh measuring tape with me so I can't give results on that reading. However, since yesterday I went to the doctor I got weighed, granted with my clothes on. If I subtract 2 pounds for clothes then I believe I have probably lost 7 to 10 pounds. I was not sure on my starting weight that is why I have the range.

I look slender but healthy and my cellulite is dramatically less visible. I have been this weight before with horrible cellulite so I believe now that cellulite has something to do with toxins. Which I have been finding in my readings.

On the physical side I felt much more energetic and vibrant on the cleanse than I did before. I slept well and woke up feeling great. All and all this is a great success and I will most definitely do again and recommend.

Day 9 - And Feeling Just Fine

Spiritual
It is confirmed I definitely hear music much better. I found myself hearing the most subtle parts of the music I listen to. The voices and the obvious beats fade the background and the sounds (the repetitive ones) in the background come to the foreground. I hadn't mentioned it before because I didn't want to feel like I was making it up. But today as I was sitting in the car I really got into some music that normally would have annoyed me. I would have said, "oh this stupid song" and switched the station. But suddenly I would hear the background beat and it was really good - despite the ridiculous and overplayed commercial lyrics. Just my observation, what about yours?

This has only happened one other time to me - I was in a lot of pain then. First marathon this past May, I became injured 3 weeks before the big race. I can't tell you how much I prayed at the time to God to heal my leg, give me strength to run, and just help me stop crying (because I was so distraught that maybe I couldn't run). That is around the time my brother gave me Issac Blackman's CD To the Ceiling. The first time I heard his CD, I cried and cried because the words pierced inside of me. I could hear every beat and the lyrics gave and incredible amount of strength. I ended up listening to his CD for the 5.30 hours of my run to the finish.

To all of the ladies out there, hope the song, Always Remember, gives you strength on the master cleanse or whatever you choose to do.


Mental
So I am so sad to say that my master cleanse might be a 9.75 day cleanse instead of a 10 day cleanse. On Friday night I have an important banquet to go to and I need to eat something on my plate otherwise I will stick out at the table and it will be a very awkward couple of hours.

So today, I went to my very first Natropath doctor. I was so excited. I have always wanted to go to one, because conventional doctors really don't have the same beliefs I have. Can you believe my last doctor didn't believe in supplements at all? I should have cut her loose a long time ago. Well I went to my appointment and it was fantastic! Finally I didn't have to feel like I was hiding things/feelings from my doctor.

My talk was more of an outpouring then a session. I even got to talk about the master cleanse which she says she recommends to patients who need to clear their system or start from ground zero. She said I was doing pretty good and that some people have it hard. It was nice to have confirmation from a licenced doctor that this legit. Although I always knew it was anyway - it was just nice.

So back to my 9.75 dilemma. The doctor said that in order for me to eat anything at that dinner that I need to start a little earlier on my orange juice. She recommended today and told her I just couldn't do that. So we compromised on tomorrow either lunch or dinner. I say dinner?

So my big plan was to eat salad at the banquet. But she told me not to do this since the body takes too much energy to digest raw food. She recommended eating cooked vegetables since they are already pre-digested from cooking. As for eating - it is really a nibble she wants me to do. So a nibble it is. Hopefully that will get me by on looks. I'll just shift my food to my husband's plate - he will like that a lot.

Physical
I put this under the physical category because it is not a mental obstacle but a physical one. I am going on a business trip tomorrow and I need to take my lemonade drink with me. I can't check my bag on because I am on a tight schedule and you know the whole issue with taking liquids on the plan. My Plan: mix the lemonade juice, cayenne pepper & maple syrup and put in 3 oz container and put in said zip lock bag. Then when I pass security take it out and mix with water to give me my drinks for the day. Yeah! I'll have to write in and see if it works.

Of course this only lasts one day. The good thing is the next day I am off the fast. Now how in the world would someone do this who travels all the time? I guess they would have to check on lemons, maple syrup and juicer. Now that is random.

By the way, I felt great today. Almost like Day 4. Loads of energy, clear head - I mean I felt so good that I am really wondering how I will feel when I start eating. I hope it is not a big let down. Food that is.

Day 8 - A Little Mental

Spiritual

Day 8 has not been any bit of a spiritual breakthrough for me. Maybe this is because I have already had my spiritual breakthrough - the Holy Spirit or maybe its more practical like I didn't have a chance to read or contemplate any scriptures today.

The good thing, I think on the spiritual front is that my other half is back. That is very spiritual in nature if you ask me.

He was most surprised that I did not tell him what I was doing. I told him that I wanted to give him a surprise because every time I want to surprise him I tell him in advance and then he goes crazy making me tell him what it is - which of course ruins the surprise. So this time, I gritted my teeth, and kept it all the way.

As a general observation to the way I have felt for the past couple of days, I think I've hit the point where things aren't a big deal and everything is OK. I think that is what Glikman meant in the title "Be Happy in 10 Days". I don't really think its happy its more like content/I don't care. The first part of that is good, but what about the second part?

I found myself a little frustrated at work because I felt like I needed a sugar rush or something to get me excited/agitated/stressed out in order to deal with my work. I ended up doing my work with the same efficiency without the high/low that comes with sugar. It was one of my first days of learning how to cope without the comfort of food to rush me through. This is good too.

Mental

Today was mentally not a good day, I started questioning what I was doing and how it was working. It started from this morning when I drank my salt water flush and it did not flush. It just sat in my stomach one big tub of salt water like the swaying ocean. Horrible. And I would think of throwing up, event though I have never thrown up in my whole life. Yes, let me repeat. I have never thrown up in my whole life. But this whole morning that is all I was thinking of doing.

It is the 8th Day and I really don't think I will ever do that salt water flush again. The thought of salt water, which at this point feels like a toxin, sitting in my body and not leaving - just makes me sick. When I think back the salt itself it isn't that much in quantity considering you could put that much on one sitting of french fries. So all and all I know its not that bad.

But when you are empty on this inside the thought of salt just sounds and feels disgusting. I think the plan will be back to the tea - but instead of the morning, I will take it mid-day knowing that in 7 hours I will be at home.

Physical

Like I had mentioned before my skin is super soft. Ridiculously super soft. My skin for the past 10 years maybe, has been dry and at times very rough. Not only have I been on the cleanse but I started using Sweet Almond Oil to moisturise my skin.

I thought, and I think all master cleansers should contemplate. If I am purifying my inside then why should I put chemicals on my outside? They say that the skin is the largest organ and that everything you put on it gets absorbed into the body. So why do we put Aluminum laced deodorant on every day? Or synthetic chemicals over and over again every time we need to be moisturized, or fill our mouth with fluoride every time we brush?

Like eating, I believe from what I have learned, that hygiene products should be all natural - say limit the ingredients to things you can read, spell, and count the number on one hand. Sounds like a plan.

In any case, I abide by this principal in general (soap, toothpaste, deodorant) but no so much with my lotion. So this time I thought to go all natural and get almond oil which has exactly 1 ingredient - just that almond oil. Well my skin is just magnificent -but I really think it is from the cleanse because oils would just stay on top of my dry skin before - now it soaks in.

Day 7 - The Point of No Return

Spiritual

I had a double dose of Christmas today. A bit early for me - as I do not like the whole pushing by the media of Christmas to before thanksgiving. But today was different. At church they played Christmas songs and in the afternoon I went to see my friend's Barbershop group perform Christmas carols. Barbershop is similiar to the old time tunes like from the black and white movies.

Since being on the fast I have a much clearer mind and I realized today that the music I hear is much more crisp sounding in my mind. The words flowed into my soul and I became very emotional during two particular songs. One at church and the other at the concert.

The core of today's message was, "Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel," which means "God is with us."

The guest preacher, a young British women, explained that when God is with us -that is all we need. No presents, no family, no food (I put that one in). God is all we need. And when God is with us, the course of our lives are forever changed. This could not have been said better.

You might have wondered why i don't talk about my husband a lot in this blog. He has been out of the country for one month and I have not told him that I was doing this fast. You see - I tell my husband everything, sometimes too much. I talk and talk and sometimes fail to listen. It has been a challenge this past 7 days as I talk to him on the phone. Because I do not talk about the fast and in turn end up listening a little bit more. This is good.

I've diverted, but I really did want to share that with you because I am very close to him. So at the concert this afternoon, I fixated on a particular song which I have never heard before but I presume must be a classic. The song was "Mary did you know?".

At one point the songs goes, "Mary Did you know that, this child that you've delivered. Will soon deliver you." Wow! I thought. Those words just seemed so powerful to me. Just like Mary, many of us hear or say the name Jesus not fully comprehending that the words we deliver can soon deliver us.

Merry Christmas! A little early.

Mental

The chapter should have been written, "for six days it was smooth sailing, and on the seventh day she was tempted". So I was invited to go to breakfast before church at the cutest most authentic french patisserie in Portland. I had agreed to meet at 8:30 instead of 8:00 like the rest of the group because I didn't know if I could handle being surrounded by sweet smelling pastries and heaping plates of omelet. It turns out I was the first on there at 8:15am. As I sat in the corner of the room and sipped my peppermint tea apprehensively, I was amazed to discover that I was not tempted at all.

A couple of minutes later the rest of the gang came in, one had coffee, one had tea, and the other a cream cheese filled pastry. The conversation was so engaging that the time slipped by and before you know it we were paying the bill and were off to church.

Later on in the day, I decided to test this new found discovery and go shopping at the grocery store. My husband is coming back into town tomorrow and I thought it not good for him to come home to a completely desolate fridge.

I passed up and down the aisle inspecting fruit, and loading my cart with all sorts of vegetables. It was very easy for me, I had no cravings for any food and found myself only picking up raw and completely healthy food. I am very excited about the time after the fast and my desire for health foods.

Physical

So, this whole time on the cleanse I really didn't feel like I lost any weight for real. I do not have a scale and did not buy one on purpose - mainly because I would have been fixated on the scale/numbers and would have put aside all of the other reasons why I did this fast.

Today was different for some reason. I looked in the mirror and saw a change. My body seems to like to let go of all the fat on the top half before it even starts to go to the bottom half. So I've noticed, not necessarily to my liking, this phenomena. I measured my thighs today and surprise my thighs have reduced - but maybe more importantly are becoming the same size. Ever since I had knee surgery around 5 years ago my right thigh seemed to hold onto more fat. My theory for the fat accumulation was that the circulation in that leg was off. I stick by this theory because it can go numb sometimes.

So, today I put on two pairs of pants that I bought new and then wore once. A whole section of my wardrobe has just opened up to guess who? Me!

Thigh R- 23

Thigh L - 23

Hip - 37.25

Day 6 - No Problems Here

Spiritual

I've never thought of this much until now. As humans we plan our life around food. Noon hit today and I looked at my car clock and said to myself, "It's lunch. What will I be eating for lunch?". So much of energy surfaces around 3 or more meals. What do we want? Where will we get it? and so on. It is quite a freeing experience to be left without this need. The other day I thought to myself. If God were to come down and ask me if I had the opportunity to never need to eat again, would I take it? I actually thought it about for a while. My answer of course was no. I love food way to much.

But then I thought, what if this question was asked to someone who is usually starving or who takes all their livelihood and energy just to have food to survive. Well they might say yes and what a blessing and a freeing from slavery that would be. I guess that is what is meant when God cursed Adam and said:

"Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return."

Powerful statements when you consider how liberating this no food experience can be. I guess that brings us back to the cycle of fasting. It allows us to see the curse for what it really is.

On that note: How about give to someone who is hungry? Check out the link on the right for Samaritan's Purse.

Mental

I think I've come to a semi-conclusion on my illustrious 6th day. The master cleanse is not hard because of the physical nature of the cleanse. I, like many people, might think that its the "not eating" part that gets you. From my experience, and I am only one person, these are the hard parts 1) believing that you can do it, 2) being tempted by food for temptations sake, 3) the flushing part.

I can officially say I have never felt hungry on this cleanse. I did feel like eating sushi. And I did feel like eating Ethiopian food. And I did feel like the world was against me. But I have never felt hunger. It is interesting being able to mentally separate these feelings. To get a grasp on what is really going on in our minds.

Many obstacles in life are just there to psyche us out. Can we do it? Do we want to do it? Well, other people aren't doing it? or Are they doing it?

Physical

This is my advice to anyone starting the master cleanse. Do not, I repeat, do not drink the herbal laxative tea in the morning. Just talking from personal experience.

So I didn't forgot to drink my tea last night, but I had to miss my salt flush this morning because I was rushing off to my facial. By the way, I treated myself with a facial since I am saving, well I just spent it, but in theory I was saving all this money from not eating. Anyway, since I didn't salt cleanse, I did as instructed and drank a glass of tea. This time I made sure to count to 6-8 hours after to make sure I was at home. Well, I wasn't at home, but rushing home at that time.

You see, for those of you who don't know what the laxative tea does to you feels like this - someone squeezing your intestines and then letting go. And then squeezing them again. And then repeat. This only happens for a very short time, but at that time you would rather be at home then racing up the hill to your house. The whole process from start to finish is only 15 minutes, so its not that bad - but I would rather have that in the morning than in the middle of the day. Just a cautionary note.

Are you excited for thigh measurements tomorrow?

Day 5 - Adventure Day

Spiritual
I have read other master cleanse diaries and they talk about realistic and vivid dreams. Well I had a deep and troubling dream last night. It involved in typical American style a shoot out. I was walking through this arcade and there were multiple people, almost like gangs, shooting at each other. I was inside the building and my sister was on the street. I crawled away from the scene with my sister in sight encouraging her to get out of the cross fire. By the time I got away from the building and to an open park, I noticed a young skinny teenager covered in blood with a huge machine gun firing all over the building where I once stood. I kept on trying to text my sister through all of this to make sure she was OK. And my fingers kept messing up the message because the keys were too small. Frustrated and distraught I awoke.

I texted her immediately and all she said in her sleepy text was pray for us (her and her fiance are living in Tanzania). I then saw on my phone that I had a new email message. The note was from my friend Grace*, she was informing a group of her friends that she was ok despite the recent death of her sister. Her words with eloquent and most touching, she has been through a lot. She quoted an excerpt from her sister an interesting prose on gangster rap. I was able to see a glimpse into what made her so special. I wish I could have known her.

Death is a tragic event but unfortunately inevitable. It is at these times we pause not only to think of life but also of eternity.


Mental
Today was an adventure. My sleep was so deep this morning that I didn't even remember turning off both of my alarms. The only reason I woke up was from the dream. Unfortunately, the subsequent events of the day stem from one tiny detail. I forgot to drink my Smooth Mooves herbal laxative tea last night. So this morning, I skipped the salt wash and drank the tea instead. Driving to work, I thought "If I just took the tea, it should take effect 6-8 hours later. Will I make it out of work in time?".

At 3:35pm at work, suddenly my computer turned off. It appears me and the women next to me blew the fuse from all the appliances we had plugged in. So with nothing to do, I was able to get out of the office by 4pm, perfectly timed to go to my friend Vera's* Sri Lankan themed party.

Well that's when I had my "master cleanse" moment. This moment consisted of my skipping the party, rushing home and now sitting wrapped in warm blankets on the couch. The moment didn't last that long, don't get worried - but it got me in the house not ready to go anywhere.

I am thinking more of food much more than I did yesterday. I found myself staring at a sandwich on a co-workers desk - as if I had never seen a sandwich before.

Physical
All in all my day was normal. Yesterday was fantastic today was normal - normal in a good way. That is until 4pm as mentioned before. If I were to analyze the situation I would say this - I did not use the bathroom for 2 days and the toxins must have been stored up or another analysis could be - I am going into my 6th day tomorrow. And we have all heard about dreaded 6th day.

Talking about 6th day, the guy who checked me out at the bookstore when I bought the book said, "Yeah, I did the cleanse but only lasted till the 6th day, that was the day I went crazy". "Would you recommend the cleanse", I said. "Most definitely! I felt so clean instead", he said. "I hope to do it again one day".

Maybe that is what I will say. Let's see how the 6th Day goes for me. As an incentive to keep you checking in, I promise to do a dance at the end of the cleanse for all of you to see.

Day 4 - I am Alive

Spiritual

If the picture on the left could speak words than it would describe how I felt today. My reading this morning was from a book that I have been reading, putting down, pick up, putting down and really need to finish because it is so good. Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.

Today I was reading about how marriage exposes our sin. I must say that I agree. My husband is not in town right now, so it is easier to read , stomach, and reflect on these things. If you know what I mean. I really enjoyed a quote that he gave, "One of the best wedding gifts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse. Had there been a card attached, it would have said, "Here's to helping you discover what you're really like!"

He went on to explain that sometimes you feel that you are certain way (humble, loving, forgiving) because you have not really gotten close to anyone. Marriage can be a tool of change.

I have already committed myself to being a better person not only to the people around who are easy to love but to myself as I realize how unloving I can be to the ones I really care about.

Mental

This morning I woke up clear-headed as if I had woken up from a deep sleep. My eyes told me it was a new day and boy was it. I felt great today. Absolutely fantastic. I thought that I felt fine yesterday until I woke up today and realized what more than fine was. What more can I say? Mentally I was put together. I had very little cravings for food and found it easy to go into the break room while people were eating during lunch. I purposely averted my eyes from the food to ensure that I would not be tempted. But all in all I don't think it was actually necessary.

One other interesting thing I've noticed is that I am never tired during the day. You know that noon slump or the 3'clock yawn. Well its not happening. I was constantly awake and alert even though I slept only 7 hours and 30 minutes. Normally I am one of those people who needs 9 hours to even begin to feel rested.

Physical

This morning was a little strange when it came to the salt water flush experience. That's my new term for it. I drank my drink (I had forgotten to mention that I am only drinking 2 cups of salt water instead of the 4, because that is way too much for me right now). Back to the drink. So I drank the drink and nothing happened. No use of the lavatory, no rumble in the stomach. Nothing. I thought that this would have repercussions for me later in the day. But nada. Hmm..

I also noticed my face was extra smooth today. The skin felt as if it was a baby's, rich in moisture when otherwise dry and scratchy or oily on top of dry. I think that was one of the most amazing realizations I had. I remember looking at some one's video diary on utube talking about the master cleanse and I thought her face looked brighter as the days progressed. That is how I am feeling about my face today. For the sake of not looking like a weirdo I will hold off on thigh measurements till later in the game.

Right now I am off to a sauna, a real traditional Finish sauna. All very exciting. I told my mom about it and she didn't seem that thrilled. You see my grandfather is Finish and he used to take my mom when she was a kid - they actually went to the Turkish baths because there weren't any Finish sauna's in Cleveland in those days. So she sees it as childhood torture instead of luxurious therapy, like I do. I guess its solo for me.

Day 3 - Ask and Recieve

Spiritual
I learned the most interesting thing today in my morning reading. I have read this story over and over again in Mark 1. The story about Jesus being baptized and the Holy Spirit descending on him like a dove. What I realized suddenly was that this was Jesus's conversion experience. Well not that he needed to get converted to himself but this was the time the Holy Spirit came into his life to be his helper.

This is very similar to when we become Christians, or Christ follower or believers, whatever term floats your boat. In essence Jesus has gone through what we have. Not only has he been tempted, but he also has the Holy Spirit to help him through these temptations. Who knew? He can really empathize. Talking about empathizing. I remember praying last night that God would make this day easy for me and voila! He did. Ask and you shall receive. Note to self.


Mental
I find it strange that Day 3 is supposed to be one of the hardest. Today wasn't hard at all. I had the same feel of being deprived but less so. If I had to categorize the feeling it would be more of a bored and a little foggy around 3pm.

I made sure not to steal glances at the fruit on the lunch room table or read the three emails that were sent at work about the free food in the break room. I felt that they were doing it to tease me, but in fact no one - I take that back - my boss actually offered me some peanut brittle. But besides that no one has offered me food or even noticed that I haven't eaten. I guess that is how some people slip into anorexia - no one really pays attention to these things. They just go on happily eating themselves.

Somehow we become very unaware of our surroundings while eating. I think that is the phenomena of people gathering around the table of food at a party just so they don't have to really interact with the people. When you are around food it is comfortable and safe. You can talk about the food, commenting how great it is or talk about how you can make it at home. All of this - instead of dealing with the hard questions like "Who is this I am talking to?" and "Now I have to think of something clever to say" or "How do I get out of this conversation". At the end of it all you can say is, "It was nice talking to you, I'm going to go over and get a drink". But what if you don't eat and drink. Then What.?


Physical
I realized today that I had forgotten one of the most important goals I had when going on this fast. That was to rid my face and body of allergies and acne. I had heard from web sources that this could be an effective way of purging the body of allergies - which are thought to be sensitive to toxins. This would make sense in my case since I am allergic to household products such as bleach, window sprays etc. I have actually changed to all natural cleaning products for the past 3 years or so and cleaning has become an aromatherapy experience - almost like a day at a the spa. Ok, not quite so but you get the point. So today I looked at my face and notice that it was much brighter and cleaner. Maybe its my imagination or maybe the lack of food. Maybe its really your perception changes and not your skin. That would be funny. I mean no it won't.

So my sister read the blog yesterday and said I was, what is the word, a weirdo, for writing my thigh measurements. I never thought of it that way. I just wanted some type of physical measurement besides weight. After all, weight is just a number! Ah but I guess thigh measurements are too. My excuse -it has been at least a year since I have been able to fit into half of pants which makes both dressing and shopping not very pleasant experiences. Come to think of it - not that they were pleasant before. Well I hope someone enjoys my measurements. Any statistics nerds?

Thigh R - 24
Thigh L - 23.5
Hip - 38

Day 2 - Feeling Deprived

Spiritual
Today was a nice day. I woke up at 5am for no reason, slept till 6am and woke up specifically to drink my salt water flush. I had read warnings about this process but didn't think it would be that hard. I grew up in Florida and went to the ocean everyday during the summer. I must have swallowed gallons of salt water. How hard could it be? Two cups into the flush I realized that I didn't like this much. Five minutes later as the water went coursing through my stomach, large and small intestines I realized what the word "flush" meant. Fifteen minutes later I felt just fine and ready to start my day.

What waking up at 6am allowed me to have is 1 hour of time for reading my bible. This time flew quickly as I got consumed by the passage. This morning one of the items I covered was Matthew 4: 1-11, which dealt with the tempting of Jesus in the dessert. Great passage, especially considering they talked about it two Sundays ago at church.

The context of that talk was about how we should worship God and not idols. Casting Down Idols such as the idols of Comfort, Power, Control, and Approval. Jesus was tempted by all of these idols as he suffered in the desert. His most powerful words, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God". Words to think about and motivation for the days to come.

Mental
This was a very strange day for me. I used the word feeling deprived not in the literal sense of feeling deprived from food but rather feeling deprived - as if someone was taking something away from me that belonged to me. It is strange that we see food this way. As people in my office were happily munching on their lunch I felt as if they were loarding it over me. As if they knew (which they don't) that I couldn't eat and so they were using their happy faces to deprive me of my joy.

This is the most ridiculous concept ever but this is how I felt. It remind me of when we were kids my mom would buy a box of Popsicles and as soon as they hit the freezer we would grap for the first one and try to eat as many as we could. We did this so that they other siblings wouldn't get anymore - because if they did we would feel as if we were being deprived. It was really just greed and competition. Manly greed. Oh! I have a better word covetness. Why do I covet my brother's food?

As a result of this and other events I decided to start this blog to share my feelings. There is actually a lot of extra time randomly, especially with no TV, so I have set in mind to write a little each day and share with whoever might be reading.

http://www.imagodeicommunity.com/series/casting-down-idols

Physical
I am not actually "hungry" in the proper sense of the word. Anytime I have had a little stomach rumble I take a quick sip of lemonade drink and my hunger goes away immediately. This is actually amazing and quite accurate compared to what people have been saying on blogs and websites. Today is Day 2 which is supposed to be on the hardest days (Day 2, 3 & 7). So far not too bad. My main complaints are feelings of social isolation which I address in the Mental section as feeling deprived. Physical there isn't much wanting. I do feel a bit "empty" inside - in the literal sense of having nothing in my stomach. Energy is fine although I did have a half an hour around 3pm in which I felt really foggy - as if the mist was rolling in. This passed and didn't come back.

Thigh R - 24
Thigh L - 23.5
Hips - 38

Day 1 - Goal Setting

Master Cleanse Personal Goals
1. Find Spiritual Guidance for Future Plans
2. Reduce Negative Self-Talk
3. Slim Thighs
4. Learn to More Drink Water
5. Eat More Raw Food Post Fast
6. Rid body of Allergies & Acne
7. Detox, detox, & detox

Spiritual
I haven't really made up my mind what I would do for the spiritual realm. I am considering reading a book, praying, reading specific passages in my Bible. Mainly I am expecting for something to happen on the 8th Day of the Fast. A spiritual breakthrough as it is called by some. With clarity of thought and purpose. This is really my goal in this arena. But through the process I need to dedicate myself to spiritual disciplines that will lead my heart to this course and open my mind to hear more from God. I have decided that TV during the fast will not be permitted. This was especially hard today because my guilty indulgences of Reality TV shows - ala VHI and MTV Style are on tonight. I made the idea of no TV after I watched them.

Mental
I haven't thought much today about the fact that I didn't have any food to eat. The day passed by seamless and effortlessly.

Physical
Physical I feel just find, I have had no urge to eat and am getting used to the process of making the drinks quickly.

Thigh R - 24.5
Thigh L - 24
Hips - 39

Day 0 - Why Me? Why Now?

You may be wondering why someone like me would want to start the master cleanse program. For those of you who don't know the master cleanse was a program development by Stanley Burroughs in the 1950s and is seen by Wikipedia as perhaps having somewhat of a cult following. Despite his following and/or the controversy behind his practices, I am embarking on the master cleanse journey to see what 10 days of abstinence from solid food will do.

This all started when I ran into my friend Joshua* with his wife Teresa* at a salsa club a couple of months ago and thought I had seen a ghost. It was as though I saw a person from my past, someone I knew really well but had forgotten - pop back into my life. I have known Joshua for the past 7 years and during that time he had put on a little weight (as had I). This time was different, he looked like his former self by not only turning back the clock 7 years but his face glowed with radiance, his step was quick, and his energy high. "What have you done?", I exclaimed with surprise. "Master Cleanse", he said. At that was it, I knew I would be committed to this plan whatever it was.

Now let's go into my past a little bit so you can understand who I am. I am a person who is deeply interested in health and diet issues. This comes little out of an obsession to lose weight and more out of an interest in health, science, and how the body works - must be in my blood. My grandmother in her late 60's fasted for 20 days with only water in order to rid her body of disease as she called it. This came much to the dismay of my mother and her sister who constantly urged her to stop before she, dare I say "died".

Well my grandmother is in her late 80's and is still the single most vibrant women I know of that age group. Not to mention she drives laps around my husband and I pushing us to pure exhaustion. Now my mother. Well lets say I grew up in a household where sugar was not allowed and where one of my first positive food memories was "Tiger's Milk" which is now lovingly referred to as the "1st energy bar". Health food stores, and whole wheat breads slowly turned into sugar covered frost o's as my younger sister and brother were growing up. I guess she is a health nut that got lost.

Now to me again, I apologize for digressing. I don't like to read a lot but I do like to read health books, to name a few - The Maker's Diet, Suzanne Somers Eat Cheat and Melt Away the Fat, The Atkins Diet, and You are What you Eat. Each of these books has taught me valuable lessons and has helped me build a repertoire of new/good eating habits. So naturally, when given the chance to research something new I took it upon myself to read Lose Weight Have More Energy and Be Happier in 10 Days by Peter Glickman.

I was most intrigued by the concept of fasting since Jesus, the source of life and living water, fasted for 40 days. For spiritual reasons I had fasted in high school for 3 days and almost collapsed from exhaustion - or so I liked to tell myself in the proceeding years with hopes that it was impossible for me to do again.

Well fast forward to me in my 30's and things have changed. Within in the course of year, I went from a non-runner to running one 10k, 2 half-marathons and 1 marathon - all with the power of Christ and the ability to dedicate myself both mind, body and soul to a grueling sport. But with this physical strength I had allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted using sweets as treats for good behavior. I've read it is never good to treat yourself with food, because then you will start to find comfort and worth in the items that were intended to sustain you." You can only seperate, differientiate between what it is you want and what it is you need," quoting from Issac Blackman the illustrious Trinidadian singer.

So now maybe you have a little understanding why I have taken on this task. Women have three parts - mind, body, and spirit. My goals, failures, and accomplishments will span these areas. Listen loud. This is my testimonial.

*Names have been changed to shield the unsuspecting.